Catch A Falling Star
by Neko Oni
Summary: kai x rei. after a serious, intentional injury, rei is left crippled. they say he will never walk again. rei is determined to prove them wrong, but no one believes in him. no one except the strange boy, kai, who cuts his wrists.
1. nightmare

DISCLAIMER: stands for entire fic. i don't own.  
  
WARNINGS: yaoi, kai x rei  
  
SUMMARY: rei was once alluring and graceful, but now, after a fight with his abusive father, he will never walk, let alone dance, again.   
  
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CATCH A FALLING STAR  
  
catch a falling star and put it in your pocket; never let it fade away...........  
  
Lightning made the dark night sky seem bright as day, and thunder clouds clashed, their roars shaking the earth as the heavens seemed to do battle, rain pounding relentlessly upon the earth and upstairs window, hitting the thick, cold glass then running down it in rivulets to join the torrent rushing down the street.  
  
Rei sat on the window seat with his legs tucked under him and forehead pressed against the cold glass as he watched the storm rage outside. The tick tock of his grandmother's cuckoo clock, and the moaning and groaning of the old house were barely audible over the din of the foul weather.   
  
The hallway light clicked on, the dim yellow light sliding through the ajar door. Startled, Rei flinched then looked over his shoulder, his wide amber eyes peering through the dark room. "Lee-" He gazed reproachfully at his older cousin with a frown on his full lips.  
  
"Rei-chan, you should be in bed before Nai-Nai wakes up." Instead of turning around and going back to bed, Lee sat besides Rei.  
  
Rei looked back out the window as Lee reached out and tucked behind his ear a lock of fluffy black hair that had escaped from his loose, calf length braid during the night. "What were you doing here, alone in the dark?" Lee asked softly.  
  
Thunder rumbled low for several seconds. "Nothing. I couldn't sleep.....I was just thinking."   
  
"About?"  
  
The young Chinese closed his eyes, lowering his head as an unbidden tear trickled down his cheek. Lee caught his chin in his large hand and turned him towards him. "It's alright, Rei. You're safe here."   
  
Lee turned subconsciously to look out the window, his gaze sweeping the darkened, wind swept landscape streets below. Thunder roared loudly once more, and both jump. Lee snorted then pulled the drawstring, shutting the curtains. "Lets get back to bed. You feel cold, and you need your sleep." He stood up and took a few steps to the door, pausing to wait for him.  
  
Rei picked up the furry, soft white tiger plushy in his lap, then frowned in agitation.   
  
Lee sighed, came over and took the plushy from Rei. "I'm not even going to ask how you managed to get this thing from your room." Rei stuck out his tongue then reached beside him to grab his elbow crutches. He uncurled his legs, the plastic on his calf and ankle braces thumping off of the seat's wooden base. He slipped his arms through the padded metal cuffs, which encircled his upper arms, fingers curling around the cushioned hand bars, then hauled himself to his feet.  
  
Lee started walking, his pace much slower for Rei. Though he didn't show it, he was ever ready to catch the smaller koneko if one of his splints' plastic heels were to slip on the highly polished wood floor.   
  
Rei ambled along slowly, planting his crutches forward first, then half stepping, half dragging his feet and trying not to wake Nai-Nai. The elderly lady would be furious if she caught him out of bed, and in this room.   
  
Rei paused at the threshold to glance back longingly at the quiet room and piano nestled in the dark corner, its golden foil accents glinting in the pale hallway light. "Come on, Rei. I'm right here; you're safe. I'll sleep with you....and Driger...tonight." Lee held the plushy out to Rei a bit. The fourteen year old turned and followed the sixteen year old down the vast hall.  
  
tbc....  
  
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well, here it is. whaddya think? kai'll be coming in soon. 


	2. shattered dreams

Rei yawned and stretched, his long lashes fluttering open to the weak rays of the early morning sun. A glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand told him it was only seven on a Saturday morning. He yawned again and snuggled back down against Lee, who would be getting up soon to leave for his karate class.  
  
Ever since he was little, he had always wanted to take karate with Lee; it looked like fun. But Nai-Nai insisted that ballet was Rei's art. She had taught him since he was three years old. Every Saturday morning at seven thirty sharp she'd give him private instruction before her classes began for the day. It had been their special time together, just the two of them, as Nai-Nai pushed Rei harder than she did any of her other students; and none performed better or more natural than Rei. He had been the envy of the local ballet community; he had the perfect body, long, lean, finely sculpted with delicate features, and he had the moves to match his physical perfection. He was as soft, fluid, and elegant as a swan, moving with an innate grace that came from nature alone.   
  
But now.....now, he'd never dance again; he'd be lucky if he ever took another step with out the aid of crutches or braces. Even if a miracle did happen, he'd never walk with such gentle precision again.   
  
Rei stared blankly at the aluminum crutches leaning against the head of the bed as visions from the nightmare that had plagued him for six months tore through his head. It had been the last day Rei had ever danced. He'd won the competition as usual, Nai-Nai beaming proudly at him. He'd come home, and his father attacked him for the laundry not being done, claiming that his dancing was getting out of hand and in the way of his chores. Rei had replied that ballet was his life, then his father had...........  
  
Rei shuddered and the unconscious Lee's arm snaked securely around his waist, holding him against him. Rei held his breath, forcing the images away, then, much calmer, he manuvered his unbraced legs out from under the light flannel sheet. He pulled his extra long, loose sleep shirt up a bit and stared down at the deep, jagged scars from the knife that had tore the tendons and small bones on the insteps of his feet. Equally vicious were the scars on his calves, his father's blade having severed the calf muscles to the bone.   
  
Even surgery couldn't repair the damage. He still had feeling in his feet, but the beautiful young neko couldn't point his toes downward, nor flex them upward. They were stationary, which was why he dragged them when he walked. He had discovered last week, however, that he could wriggle his toes.  
  
As if to prove he still could, Rei scrunched up his face in concentration, then smiled and laughed softly as his toes wriggled. Just then, the faint sound of a piano beginning to play reached his ears, and his laughter immediately stopped.  
  
It was exactly seven thirty, the special time Rei had always spent with Nai-Nai. Now his grandmother was busy teaching his replacement. He held his breath, listening fervently as that ungainly cow, Hilary, leaped, landed, and twirled. He could hear her feet thudding off of the floor, and see her in his mind's eye. Her timing was wrong; she was off beat with the music, she arched her back too much, and she listed slightly towards the left.  
  
Rei scowled in jealousy. That was HIS special time with his grandmother; they had always spent early Saturday morning before classes together, but not for the past six months. He hardly got to see or talk to her; it was as if she wasn't a part of, or didn't want to be in, his life anymore. And he had moved in with her and Lee soon as he'd gotten out of the hospital. Lee wasn't around much, but that was because of his busy schedule of karate and friends. But Nai-Nai.....  
  
It was like she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. She no longer spent time with him, telling him stories of her childhood and her own success at ballet, like she used to do after they would finish Rei's private lesson. She didn't take him to church with her and Lee on Sundays, and he no longer accompanied her to her friends' houses for tea or bridge.   
  
'Maybe she's ashamed to have a cripple in the family.' That thought pushed Rei over the edge, and tears sprang to his eyes. He reached out, groping over the pillow, then hugged his stuffed tiger to his chest tightly, burying his face in the baby plushy's fake fur. "Oh, Driger, I just want to walk again. I want to dance, be free, my spirits soaring. I want- I want......I want Nai-Nai to love me again......." He brokedown, crying quietly in fear of waking Lee up.   
  
tbc......... 


	3. saturday morning

heh...whaddya know, i actually updated. well, guess i'll start off with the usual thank you to my lovely reviewers! ^.^  
  
kitsunecrystalqueen, lefufin, leiko1, tidah, some person, tyde girl, platinum rei, xxxceruleanx'sxx, chibi kitty, child of the stars (nice name! ^.^), soul dreamer, i luv kai, tigerrain, cyndaquil babe, yuii, sarcasmcat, catty hiwatari, tiger rain, makurayami no kyouto, and keisan.  
  
keisan: thanks for the long review. yes, i don't like hilary either, and i thought that was a nice little way of insulting her. i really don't think she'd be the graceful type.  
  
about the ballet thing; i've got alot of respect for people who can do ballet. it's something that i myself could never do. i've done taekwondo nearly half my life, and as far as dancing goes, i'm only suited ot hip-hop and belly dancing. i just don't have the personality for ballet, though it's something i've always wanted to do. i said that once to my friends, and i got laughed at for it; they thought i was joking. -.- so i decided to try ballet out fic-wise, and i myself think rei's personality would lean well to ballet, and would work well with this fic.  
  
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The sixteen year old yawned and stirred as the sound of muffled sobs pricked his ears. He opened his sleep-bleary eyes. His vision was full of tangled raven hair, but his ears heard the soft cries coming from Rei. He grabbed Rei's shoulder, rolling his younger cousin over, and the boy curled immediately into his chest, face buried against his shirt.  
  
Lee rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. "Rei, shh, calm down. Was it another nightmare?"  
  
Rei flinched and shook his head, continuing to cry. While he waited for the fourteen year old to calm down enough to tell him what was wrong, Lee saw fresh tears on the damp fur of Driger. Rei had gotten the plushy on the last day he'd danced. Nai-Nai had given it to him when they'd gone out for a celebratory dinner at the very fancy, and very expensive, restaurant. Now, Rei insisted upon carrying the infernal tiger toy everywhere he went. Because of the emotional and physical torment he'd been through, the plushy had become an emotional crutch of sorts, kind of like a security blanket.  
  
Lee sighed heavily and gave Rei an encouraging squeeze. Rei let out a sharp breath and was quite for another several minutes. Lee was just starting to dose off when Rei's soft voice cut through the early morning silence. "I want to dance again."  
  
The older boy inwardly groaned. They'd been over this a million times. Every single doctor they'd gone to said the same thing. Rei Kon would never walk again. The damage was too severe; it would never heal properly. It had healed as much as it ever would, which meant Rei was going to be crippled for the rest of his life. Yet, every Saturday morning, as soon as Nai-Nai's piano started playing, it was the same thing.  
  
Though, just because the body could no longer do something, didn't mean the soul stopped yearning for it. Ballet was Rei's way of flying, his soul's release, just as karate was his. If he'd never be able to do karate again...."Rei, I-" Lee stopped, unsure of what to say. He merely kissed his cousin's forehead. "It's getting late; why don't you come to karate with me? I'll go get dressed then help you."  
  
Rei frowned as Lee left the bed. He didn't exactly want to go and watch Lee's class, but he didn't want to be stuck at home, listening to Nai-Nai's piano and sulking all day. So he sat up, unbraided his long, silky raven hair, took the soft bristled brush from the nightstand beside the bed, and brushed the knots out of his hair. He left it hang loose like a shiny, smooth black curtain. The front locks were secured back with a clip.  
  
Lee came out of the bathroom, his own hair pulled back, and his starched white karate uniform and third degree black belt immaculate. He flung the blankets aside, grabbed one of Rei's feet, turned him so his legs dangled over the bed, and put his thick socks, which kept Rei's feet from chafing, on. He slipped Rei's nerve-damaged feet into the plastic splints and velcroed the holders shut, then put on the metal braces, which gave Rei's injured appendages the support they needed to hold his body up, and came to four inches below his knees.  
  
Rei sighed a bit, wishing Lee wouldn't baby him and let him do this for himself. But after six months of arguing with his stubborn, mule headed cousin, Rei had given up. He'd learned in therapy how to dress himself, but Lee and Nai-Nai never let him.  
  
Lee slid a pair of wide-legged blue jeans on Rei, who pushed up on his arms, raising his hind end so Lee could pull the jeans all the way up and then fasten them. "I'm not a baby, Lee."  
  
"I know." He replied, motioning for Rei to raise his arms up so he could pull a t-shirt down over his head. That was followed by a dark blue hoodi with a white tiger on the front, back, and claw marks on the sleeves. Lee put Rei's black sneakers on his feet and tied them, then got up and left his side.  
  
Rei fastened a blue choker about his neck and looked up. "Lee, I really wish you would let me do things for my- no." His voice went from calm to firm and defiant as he stared at his bigger cousin, who was pushing a black wheelchair from the corner of the room. "I have my crutches. I don't need that thing." He spat the last two words out as if they were a curse.  
  
"You're slow and you tire easy on your crutches. Just for while we're out, then, soon as we get home, I'll put your wheelchair back in your room."  
  
Rei shook his head. "No. I don't need it."  
  
"Rei." Lee growled, his short patience already beginning to wane.  
  
Rei crossed his arms defiantly. "No." His amber eyes blazed as Lee marched determinedly over to him.  
  
  
  
Rei sat in his wheelchair in the spectator area, where parents often watched and waited for their children. He glowered at his cousin on the dojo floor. 'Stupid, arrogant jerk...' He glared at Lee, then looked up at the clock; he was bored, and he was tired of the looks of pity and curiosity people threw his way. He felt like some weird attraction in a freak show.  
  
With a glance at Lee, double checking that his cousin was preoccupied, Rei reached behind him. His wheelchair had a special holder for his crutches. He grabbed one then the other, slid his arms into them and planted the rubber nubs on the tips firmly on the ground and hauled himself to his feet. His could leave his wheelchair where it was.  
  
Rei took off, planting his crutches forward first, then dragging his feet through, swung his crutches forward, and dragged his feet, until he was out the open door and into the hall way of the vast, elegant building, which had, at one time, been city hall, and was now an upscale community center with various activities. Rei made his way down the hall, his Driger plushy tucked up under his loose, long hoodi.  
  
tbc.....  
  
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i seem to leave off in the worst places, ne? i did this one on purpose; this chapter sucks in my opinion, but i needed to set it up like this. i 've got a killer intro for kai planned out. the angst factor will be kicked up a notch next chappie....soon as i get a chance to write it.....and, as always, plz review. ^.^ 


	4. duet

well, this chapter is much longer than the last one! and hopefully much better, too! *crosses her fingers *  
  
and of course, thank you to my lovely readers! (and reviewers especially!) i really do appreciate the time you guys take out of your lives to review. it really does mean alot to me! you guys are wonderful! ^.^  
  
rabel-blah-blah-blah: is this update soon enough? ^.^  
  
shaka dragomir nocturnus: glad you're enjoying the story!  
  
angel of pure darkness: very interesting review. ^.^ and this chappie is mostly kai  
  
i luv kai: i agree, it's fun to kick kai's   
  


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child of the starts: rei and kai are going to meet...never! never ever ever! *laughs evilly * *gets thwaked by kai * eh...actually...*rubs head and glares at kai * they meet in this chapter....  
  
cloud 1-3-5; headbanging, moshing, and air-guitaring are the best! ^O^ and it is always uberly bouncy ones who love to dance! ballet is so refined and classical, though...which is why i've never done it, and why i thought rei would be good at ballet....cuz he's refined and classical, too...  
  
kitsune crystal queen: this update fast enough?  
  
benevolent pharaoh: *glomps * glad to know you're still alive! long time, no see!  
  
WARNING: this chapter gets a bit angsty, folks. At least, in Kai's scene. He cuts, aka self-mutilation. If this disturbs you, I advise you to skip the first several paragraphs. Also, there is one swear word on Kai's part, but I have bleeped it out, aka censored it. It reads like this: **** instead of the swear.  
  
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Kai Hiwatari stared down in morbid fascination at the red blood running down his wrists and dripping into the white sink. He marveled at the stark contrast of the brilliant red blood on his pale, nearly white, skin.  
  
There were no new cuts today; he'd merely torn open some of his older, half healed ones that he knew bled well and deep. He'd first made those gouges in his skin when he was in a blind rage. Today he was just slightly depressed and moody, so he'd torn open his best bleeders. His wrists were a mangled mess of self-inflicted cuts. Some were new and freshly scabbed over, added recently, while others were months old and starting to scar an angry pink around their rims. But they all bled when Kai chose them too.  
  
Kai gritted his teeth, enjoying the pain that flowed along with the blood. The air stung his cuts and numbness, relief, washed through him. The physical pain was an outlet for his the pain that was eating away at what little was left of his heart. He never showed it, and fought as best he could. To the outside world, Kai Hiwatari was as cold hearted and emotionless as they came. But inside he was bleeding to death, being driven insane by the pain poisoning his soul. The only release he'd found had been cutting.  
  
Grimacing and biting his tongue against the pain, Kai decided he'd bled enough. His emotions were no longer turbulent, rolling around inside of him and throwing him from extreme sadness and despair to anger, all of it directed at his grandfather, his legal guardian. Kai hated that callous bastard, who cared for nothing other than his precious money. He usually ignored Kai, and noticed the fifteen year old only to degrade, humiliate, or reprimand him. Which was why Kai was often in trouble. He got a sick, defiant pleasure out of ticking the old geezer off. Voltaire hated him, and he hated Voltaire. It was a mutual relationship.  
  
Growing angry at the thoughts of his grandfather, the young teen shook his head vehemently to clear it. He turned the cold water on and gasped as a wave of pain and shock hit him. The cold water instantly numbed his butchered skin, shocking the heat and pain caused by the still bleeding cuts. The new physical sensations washed away Kai's thoughts, and he let himself feel, calming down once more.  
  
After several more minutes, Kai turned the water off, ripped off a brown paper towel from the public rest room, and gently dabbed at his cuts. He then wrapped his wrist with the layers of gauze bandages he'd had on before. Fresh drops of blood appeared next to rusted, dried spots from left from last night. Looking away, Kai pulled down his sleeves, hiding the bandages.  
  
The teen wrapped it tightly to staunch the flow of blood, then pulled down the sleeves of his black hoodi. He glanced in the mirror, noting how dull his crimson eyes, rimmed with black eyeliner, looked. He briefly adjusted his black leather, spiked collar before heading out the restroom.  
  
Kai was making his way back down the hall of the community center, which held many rooms and was used for many activities. He was heading back to the library section when he heard the soft, haunting notes of a piano playing. Kai knew how to play the piano well; his grandfather had forced him to take lessons, and Kai hated it with every ounce of his being.  
  
But the sad notes made him pause. It sounded so familiar... A few moments later, and Kai placed it. It was the notes to one of his favorite songs. A soft, melodic voice that matched the sorrowful, haunting tune wafted out on those heart-wrenching notes to him, and Kai knew for sure that this was his song.  
  
"These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time can not erase."  
  
Kai followed that haunting voice and peered into the open doorway. A Chinese girl, her long raven hair pulled up in a clip, wearing a blue hoodi and wide leg jeans, sat perched at a battered piano, playing and singing her heart out.  
  
Kai liked this song, because he could relate to it. But right now, after just cutting, his emotions still not settled, the song struck a cord deep in his heart. He stood there, watching the girl, and was further impacted when she turned her body slightly to reach one of the keys at the lower end of the piano. He saw the side of her face; she had tears falling down her cheeks, which added to the impact it had on him.  
  
Here was a fellow creature in pain, like himself. The cold Hiwatari heir normally didn't bother with anyone except himself, but he was intrigued. He merely stared at the young Chinese, watching her nimble fingers fly over the keys as she was lost in the song. She leaned low over the keys, her forehead brushing against a stuffed white tiger that was perched on top of the piano.  
  
Rei played his soul out on the piano. He'd been roaming around aimlessly when he found this small room with the dusty, battered piano in it. He'd decided to mess around on it; he might as well amuse himself by doing the one talent he was still capable of using. Along with ballet lessons, Nai Nai had also taught Rei how to play the piano. AT first he'd just messed around on it, but then he'd thought of one of his favorite songs, and he decided to play that.  
  
He was again stretching to reach the keys at the end, when out of the corner of his eye he saw a boy with cold, crimson eyes and wearing all black watching him. He gasped and stopped playing, his wide amber eyes, which were framed by his long, thick black lashes, flew to the ruby ones lined with black eyeliner.  
  
They stared intensely at each other, eyes raking the other over. Red eyes took in the thin, slender body hinted at beneath the baggy hoodi and jeans, and admired the gentle beauty of the flawless face and smooth, blemish free, tan skin. Gold eyes drunk in the sight of the tall boy with two toned, blue hair, the strong, lean muscles, the hoop earring in his left ear, and the cold, handsome face.  
  
Rei's breath caught in his throat as he stared at this boy, who was incredibly cute. He smiled nervously, blushing at the thought of the boy watching him, and very glad his crutches were on the opposite side of the piano from the door, so the boy wouldn't see them. "H-hi." He smiled tentatively, looking down at the floor.  
  
Kai merely snorted, wondering what on God's green earth he was doing here. He felt very out of place and didn't know what to do. He'd felt drawn to the girl sitting on the piano bench, but now that the song was over, and the spell was broken, he was wondering just what had caused him to act so impulsively.  
  
When he got no reply, Rei bit his lip, sure that the boy had seen his crutches and had figured him out for what he was. A cripple. He prayed the boy would just turn and go, and leave him alone. Neither one moved, frozen in the awkward silence.  
  
Kai was still lost and confused, but seeing the girl turn sadly back to her piano spurred him into another impulsive moment. He didn't want to loose her attention, now that he had it. "That song you were playing is one of my favorites."  
  
Rei paused and smiled softly. "Mine too." Another awkward silence, but it was Rei who broke it this time. "I really like it, even though it's sad. I've listened to it so much that it was easy to figure out the notes without looking at any sheets." He said, still looking down at his hands and.  
  
"You play it as well as the band does." Rei's blush deepened, and he raised his thick lashes to smile at Kai.  
  
"Thank you. I've taken piano lessons nearly half my life. My grandmother made me."  
  
Kai's face was impassive, but his voice was full of disgust. "My grandfather made me."  
  
Amber met crimson again and both smiled, though Rei's was a full fledged smile and Kai's lips just twitched a little. Another silence fell, though this one wasn't as uncomfortable. "Do you....would you like to play a duet with me? Lets see if you're as good as I am." Rei 's words were soft and hesitant at first, but then rose a little in challenge, bearing testament to the fire in his soul.  
  
Kai's eyes flashed for the first time, and he smirked, cracking his knuckles. "Just don't expect any mercy, miss."  
  
Rei's eyes widened and he laughed lightly. "I'm not a girl." Kai just shrugged, thinking that boy or girl, this Chinese youth was beauty personified.  
  
Kai was just about to sit down next to the boy, who made room for him on the bench, when he heard his grandfather calling his name. "Mother ****er." He swore and heard the beautiful boy gasp. It was on the tip of his tongue to apologize, but he stopped. He wasn't going to change who he was just to please or impress someone. Though, given the posh community they lived in, he doubted the refined boy heard such vulgar language. Kai couldn't care less. If the boy liked him, he was going to like him for who he was.  
  
He heard his name called again. Voltaire was getting impatient. Kai swore again and sighed heavily. "Trust that wrinkled old bag of bones to ruin it." He growled and stalked off without saying good bye. Or exchanging names with the beautiful boy. They lived in a small, close community; finding out who he was would be easy enough.  
  
Rei blinked as Kai cursed then stormed out of the room. He was slightly breathless and dizzy from the encounter. He was smiling broadly, sure that they would meet again. He began to play again, though the tune was much happier than before.  
  
tbc............  
  
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well, i'm much happier with this chapter than the last one. i think the last one was entirely pointless and needs much editing. meh...i'll get around to it one of these days. though, i don't think i'm overly pleased with this chapter, either. it just seems lately all my chappies for my stories have been falling flat...or beign utter crap -.- .. though i'd say this one was fairly decent!  
  
Please review! Yes, I beg shamelessly for reviews from you lovely readers who've bothered to read my fics, because I honestly enjoy hearing what you guys have to say! Since you've been interested enough/ kind enough to read this ficcie here, maybe you could spare another minute (not even that!) and drop me a little review? pretty please? It lets me know you guys out there are enjoying the story, and that makes me happy when people enjoy my stories. ( i don't update for my health, you know! ^.^) so....review? please? 


	5. turmoil

As always, a big thank you to those of you who reviewed. .  
  
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Rei's head was bent low, a small smile gracing his full, soft lips and his eyes were closed. Locks of thick, shiny, and soft raven hair tumbled down from the clip, their tips brushing against the back of his neck and his bangs falling into his eyes and some stray wisps curling about his face. His nimble fingers glided effortlessly over the keys, playing a mellow yet happy tune as his thoughts still drifted through his encounter with the cold, beautiful boy.  
  
"REI! THERE YOU ARE!" Lee's frantic, relieved voice broke into Rei's solitary world, causing both his hands to come down hard upon the keys. The notes ground together horribly and made Lee flinch. Rei heaved a loud sigh and used twisted to look at his older cousin, who was tired and sweaty from his Taekwondo class, his once pristine uniform sweat drenched and disheveled, and pushing Rei's wheelchair.  
  
Lee rushed over to Rei's side, his dark eyes, which were more brown than gold, raking over Rei's lithe form as if checking for any injuries. "What in God's name were you thinking, taking off like that?! I should tell Nai- Nai-"  
  
Rei's golden eyes flashed angrily, the softness leaving him at once. "I'm not some little child that needs looking after! I'm fourteen!" He hissed, glaring at Lee.  
  
Lee glared right back. His temper was quick and he often shot his mouth off without thinking, while his younger cousin was slower to anger, and nowhere near as hot headed and arrogant. "You're a cripple!"  
  
Rei's glare intensified. He let out a soft growl and brought his hand sharply and swiftly across Lee's cheek. Two pairs of eyes widened in shock, one of Lee's large hands coming up and massaging his stinging cheek, amazed at the strength in that deceptively delicate body. Both stared at Rei's fine hand, which also stung from the force of the blow. They hung in suspended silence for an eternity until Rei spoke, his voice much lower and calm than before. "Lee...I'm not some piece of glass or porcelain doll; I'm not going to break. You need to back off; I'm suffocating."  
  
Lee snorted in disbelief and snagged Rei's wrist, causing the smaller boy to flinch and emit a soft whimper. "Rei, you are not what you once were, you-" But Rei turned his head away, tugging futilely against Lee's strong grip.  
  
The sixteen year old let out a soft, agitated growl. "Fine then. I'm calling Nai-Nai to come pick us up." Lee stood up and stalked out of the room and into the hall. He leaned against the wall, banging his head off of it purposefully. He didn't get out his cell phone; he just stared vacantly at the opposite wall. He'd left the room before he'd really lost his temper and said some very awful things to Rei. Why couldn't his cousin see that he needed to be protected?  
  
Rei was staring angrily down at his feet, his tiger plushy clutched tightly in his arms. Why did Lee have to be so blind? Just because his lower legs didn't work didn't mean the rest of him was helpless! He was strong; he didn't need anyone! He could do things on his own! He'd show them; he'd show his cousin and his grandmother that he wasn't a fragile piece of glass. Breathing heavily, Rei glared at the doorway, where he knew Lee was lurking. He'd show him. Rei Kon was not weak!  
  
55555  
  
Kai scowled as he emerged from the room and saw his irritated grandfather standing at the end of the hallway. The blue haired boy tugged on the sleeve of his black hoodi as he approached.  
  
"You were told to stay in the library. I haven't got all day to be chasing after some snot-nosed brat. We're leaving, now."  
  
"Yeah, wouldn't want you missing your afternoon nap. What a tragedy that'd be." Kai glared, clenching his teeth and balling his hands before shoving his fists into the pocket on the front of his hoodi.  
  
Voltaire's eyes narrowed and his thin lips pursed; his gloved hand tightened on his gold accented walking stick, as though he wanted nothing more than to take a swing at his grandson.  
  
Kai's black eye-liner rimmed crimson eyes widened at bit, warily watching the cane. Voltaire smiled and raised the stick a few inches off the ground; his grandson took a step back, but the old man merely placed it down ahead of him and began walking. Kai backed into the wide hall, staying out of striking distance while allowing his grandfather to pass. He would not walk ahead of Voltaire, would never turn his back to him. Voltaire may never strike in public, but home was a different story.  
  
Kai, angry at himself for being afraid of the old man, followed his grandfather through the library and out into the cool autumn air and parking lot, where a valet was already holding open a door to their chauffeured Lincoln town car.  
  
55555  
  
"Rei, sweetie, you shouldn't have taken off on Lee like that. He was worried sick about you." Nai-Nai chided gently from her end of the elegant table after daintily swallowing a bite of salmon filet. The housekeeper had outdone himself on dinner tonight.  
  
Rei frowned, glaring at his barely touched meal. Why did they always have to talk down to him, as if he was mentally impaired as well?  
  
"Rei-Rei? You need that cut up?" Lee reached over, mistaking his younger cousin's frustration. He picked up Rei's knife and fork, about to cut his fish.  
  
"Damn it, Lee, why don't you just put a bib on me and give me a bottle!" Rei snapped, his golden eyes shooting sparks. He was not some mentally retarded, helpless cripple. He could do things on his own! He was strong; he didn't need anyone. He just....had some problems with his lower legs, that was all. The rest of him was perfectly normal, thank you very much!  
  
Lee's eyes widened in shock, but before he could reply, Nai-Nai spoke up, her quiet voice firmer this time. "Young man, we most certainly do not use that kind of language in this household! Now, control those temper tantrums unless you want to be eating soap!"  
  
Rei grit his teeth, his hands clenching Driger, who was held in his lap. He ruthlessly wrung the toy's fur to keep himself from screaming in frustration. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply; he could hear the scrape of metal on porcelain as Lee cut up his fish, and felt the urge to smash the fine, imported China -food and all- upon the floor. Or better yet, over Lee's dense head.  
  
He looked down sourly at the bite size pieces on his plate, angry tears welling in his eyes. He furiously wiped them away, but more took their place, threatening to spill. He lowered his head, hoping his fluffy raven bangs would hide his eyes. He didn't want to see the looks on their faces- frustration on Lee's, and disdain on Nai-Nai's. He should feel sorry for disrupting the meal, for not being the quiet, polite and reserved young man Nai-Nai had raised him to be. But he wasn't- he was burning with rage.  
  
Lee's face was impassive, but his mouth was in a thin line and a muscle in his cheek occasionally twitched. He longed to throw words back at Rei, tell him that if he was tired of being treated like a baby, then to stop acting like one! However, at the dinner table and in the presence of Nai- Nai was not the time, so he glowered at his cousin and bit back his diatribe.  
  
Nai-Nai watched her grandsons. Lee was silent and perfectly restrained, though full of tension, as if he longed to have a go at Rei. And Rei...she didn't know what was wrong with him anymore; it was as if she didn't know him. Her sweet little dancer was gone- he'd never dance in any of the fine schools or stages in Vienna or Paris. Her dream was gone, stolen by that- that scoundrel she'd been forced to call son-in-law. He'd broken her little doll-Rei could no longer dance- and she no longer knew him anymore. She'd never really known her youngest grandson at all.  
  
Lee broke the heavy silence by taking Rei's fork and viciously stabbing a moist piece of salmon, which dripped butter, and insistently shoving it near Rei's mouth, almost under his nose. The younger boy retaliated by jerking his head away, tears glittering on his wet cheek from the dim light of the dining room.  
  
Lee's lips twisted into a snarl and he again moved the fork to Rei's mouth. Rei's golden eyes shot sparks, and he slammed the bigger boy's hand forcefully down onto the table, the fork clattering on his plate and sending some butter splattering onto the white table cloth. Before anyone could say a word, Rei pushed his wheelchair from the table and wheeled himself out of the room, tears falling faster down his face.  
  
55555  
  
Kai was naked from the waist up and kneeling on a square of plush carpet by the cold edge of the hot tub. He didn't have a regular bath tub in his large bathroom- he only had a very large shower/ sauna and the jacuzzi. The fifteen year old still wore the wide leg black jeans with chains on them from earlier in the day. The blood stained, gauze wrappings around his wrists lay discarded by his knees. His boots, socks, under shirt and hoodi laying scattered about the vast room where he'd angrily thrown them after another row with Voltaire.  
  
Voltaire-that son of a ing ch. Kai grit his teeth and swiftly, ruthlessly slashed a deep, long line on the inside of his mutilated forearm. This new cut was a little deeper than he'd been making lately, but his grandfather had managed to push him over the edge yet again, making him go insane with white hot fury.  
  
Kai blindly, furiously cut a few more times, the sharp razor blade tearing through fresh skin, scar tissue, partially healed scabs, and clotted blood that was hardening into scabs. he criss crossed old and new cuts, not seeing what he was opening. Who cared? All that mattered was getting out the intense pain and anger bouncing inside his head and heart, consuming him. Let it out- turn it physical and let it out. Let the physical pain numb it, let the blood wash it away. Just get out of his head and heart, leave him alone.  
  
Kai's arm was burning with pain, the entire area slashed open. Blood poured from the numerous cuts and steadily dripped down into the jacuzzi. He was panting heavily, each breath ragged, when the bloody blade slipped from his suddenly lax fingers. He gave a small smile as the pain burned, taking away the turmoil of emotions rolling around inside him. The pain in his arm numbed it all, gave him something to think about and made it all go away.  
  
The Hiwatari heir's body slumped more against the tiled side, which was cold to his bare skin. His eyes were half closed and he was smiling as he stared at his mutilated arm, which hung limply and continued to bleed. The pain freed him from his own head, and he felt nothing but the sweet, empty bliss of relief.  
  
tbc.... 


	6. peace

A huge thank you to all of you who reviewed. .

Platinum Rei, black kitten, TnTiggris, Angelgirl10, bffimage, Neko Yaoi, Imari

Cloud 1-3-5: Hey, the wobbly things are awesomes!

Tariki Rania: I didn't know that, but I like the word nai-nai better than waipo; it just sounds cooler (at least, to me) so, this being fanfiction, I shall take a few liberties and just keep it Nai-Nai. But thanks for informing me.

jak'idiot: It isn't a teddy bear Rei carries; I explained all that in chapter 2, or 3.

Winged Wolves: Plushies? Yay! Arigato huggles plushies

Ramen II;. Yes, Rei is cute when he's distressed. Glad you like Nai-Nai, and we have more Kai- angst this chappie.

Lost in the Shadows: I know about cutting because ...heh...I used to do it. Kai's cutting is based off my own.

Thanks again, guys. I really do appreciate the time you take to review instead of just reading and walking away. Oh, and the numbers, if they show up, are used as scene breakers, just so I don't confuse anyone.

&&&&&&

Rei lay curled up on the thick burgundy and hunter green quilt on his bed, his stuffed white tiger clutched to his chest as he cried into one of his fluffy pillows. He was still angry with his cousin. Why did Lee have to be such a jerk? Especially when he'd been relatively happy for the first time in a long time. He'd been enjoying himself with the blue haired boy wearing eye liner when Lee had to come in an make a big scene.

The youngest Kon growled and slammed a fist into his pillow, more angry tears falling. He wanted to scream; he had, infact. After the fiasco at the dinner table, he'd gone straight to his room, tossed Driger onto the bed, then used his arms to pull himself up, holding onto the wheelchair, steadied his weight upon his useless feet, then flung himself upon the bed as well. He'd buried his face into a pillow, and screamed.

He'd been sure Lee or Nai-Nai would sweep in and berate him for such a display, but he'd been left to himself, alone in his room. He'd been really surprised Lee hadn't come; Lee had been enjoying humiliating him. Rei accepted he needed help with some things, but his cousin treated him like a baby, just to rub it into his face. After the scene at the community center, the two had been ridden home in silence and greeted Nai-Nai stony faced. Rei had wanted immediately to go to his room and get out of that horrible wheelchair, but Lee, who conveniently had enough time to change out of his sweaty Taekwondo uniform, had said there wasn't enough time for Rei to put away his wheelchair, get his crutches, and be at the dinner table on time.

Rei grit his teeth and huffed, rolling onto his back and wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his dark blue hoodie. His incredibly long, fluffy hair lay in tangled, silken waves about him; he'd tore his hair clip out and threw it. The plastic had clattered against the wall, metal springs, coils and plastic teeth breaking then landing silently on the sienna carpet.

He couldn't go on like this, taking his frustrations out on everyone else, and letting the others, especially Lee, affect him so. What had happened to the Nai-Nai's beautiful little ballerina, who was always poised, delicate, and in control? That Rei had died months ago, along with his dancing, killed by his father's knife. Now, he was...he really didn't know who he was. He was just Rei, a star falling before he'd ever gotten to rise, to shine, to fulfill his-Nai-Nai's – dreams. All of that, that talent, that promise, wasted, destroyed, and all he had left was a shattered, lost life.

But he could put the pieces together again. He could still fly. He'd just need someone to hold him. Rei scowled, then sighed. He had to go make amends with Lee, start cleaning up the emotional mess. Lee couldn't keep babying him as he did, and he had to start biting his pride and accepting, and asking for, help when he needed it. And Nai-Nai, she needed to see him for who he really was, not just her dream. He needed to talk to her, too, but it was impossible to talk to a stranger, someone who was ashamed of him. Ashamed of the reality behind the shattered dream.

Rei's vision blurred, but the tears were sad this time as that wound that had been with him ever since he'd woken up in the hospital and reality crashed down around his ears stung and started to bleed again. He wiped at his face then reached out for the tiger plushy he'd discarded, clutching it tightly, eyes closed, and choking back tears. His grandmother had given it to him the last time he'd danced. She'd been smiling, so happy, so proud of him. She'd given him a big hug and the plushy with a bow around its neck. That had been the last time she'd ever touched him, her youngest grandson. Now, she was distant; she treated him like a little, unknown child instead of her own flesh and blood.

His heart clenched, threatening to drown him in tears and sorrow. Rei gulped and sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed. He couldn't think of his grandmother now; he didn't want to spend the entire night crying. He did enough of that. No, he had to talk to Lee. Start putting the pieces back together.

6 6 6 6

Kai groaned, his body moving slightly, muscles tightening in protest. God, why did he hurt so much? His entire body was cramped, and cold, his legs and entire left side tingled, like he was being pricked with a million tiny needles. He moved a little more, and realized he had been sleeping, curled up against the hot tub, whose porcelain was cold as ice.

He shivered and began to uncurl, but his legs had fallen asleep from kneeling on them for so long. He sat down, stretching them out in front of him, twisted his back and felt relief when it cracked with an awful popping noise. He stretched his right arm, frowning when he noticed specks of blood on it, then did the same to his left.

His crimson eyes, the eye liner having streaked and left black trails on his cheeks when he'd been crying, widened in shock when he beheld the he'd done. Both of his forearms were a collection of healed, mending, and newly inflicted cuts, but his left looked as if a drunken butcher had had a party with a meat cleaver. His scars and scabs had been torn open; there was very little skin left intact, and in most places from elbow to wrist the thin cuts had banned together to form wide gashes. Some of them looked like they needed stitching. Small wonder he had passed out, and currently felt weak, sick and dizzy.

His mutilated forearm hurt so much it felt numb. It was covered in dried blood, which also left a rusty trail down into the hot tub. Kai winced at the thought of cleaning that up. He didn't want to; he just wanted to bleed, bleed until he bled away, until he died.

But that would make the old geezer happy, and Kai couldn't do that. He wanted to hurt him, hurt the old man and watch him bleed instead. He shook his head, raking his hand through his disheveled, spiky blue hair, the gel crispy and hard. Thoughts like that were what had started him on this downward spiral. He was lost in the dark recesses of his mind, where demons lurked, ready to rip his soul and sanity to pieces. He had to fight them back, suppress them. Freeze them. Become cold. Become nothing. Then, he couldn't be hurt. Then, he was safe.

He thought of the little Chinese boy. He, too, had had the sorrow of the world reflected in his eyes. He wondered what he'd been through, what horrors his eyes had seen. Perhaps he went through the same thing Kai did. Perhaps he could help him. Kai's lips twisted into a mocking smirk. Since when did he get close to anyone? No, it was much safer to be alone. The cold made him numb, then he couldn't feel pain. Couldn't feel joy or contentment, either, but it was a small price to pay.

Kai reached within him for that coldness, that blissful numbness to end his inner pain before his thoughts started to tumble over one another and he lost control, like he did a few hours ago after a vicious fight with his grandfather and a few hits from Voltaire's cane. His mind ran away from those thoughts, clinging to images of the Chinese boy playing the battered piano and singing a haunting song. Thinking of their almost shared duet. But that brought about thoughts of his grandfather, and his cane, and the boy's anger started to stir. No, he thought of the boy's sadness, his pain reflected in his haunting eyes, soft, lilting voice echoing in his head, soothing his anger and letting the sadness beneath seep through.

Confused by the rolling emotions of sadness and waning anger, Kai curled his knees into his chest, and buried his head in his arms, which were wrapped around his knees, dried blood from his hacked forearm smearing on his black jeans, and new ruby red droplets appearing. Voltaire's grandson and only living blood relative huddled in a ball, shivering against the cold porcelain on his bare skin, which had various shaded bruises along his ribcage and upper arms, and cried.

6 6 6 6

Lee was in the downstairs den, pacing back and forth before the cold fireplace, antique books from Nai-Nai's modest library carelessly thrown onto her well polished, heirloom side table. He was besides himself with fury, mostly at Rei, but, upon reflection, at himself. His hands were clasped behind his back, and he growled occasionally as he stalked up and down, staring at the carpet and deep in thought.

He just wanted what was best for Rei; Rei needed help, needed to be cared for. His younger cousin should take his assistance and quit throwing temper tantrums every time Lee tried to help. No, it wasn't every time; Rei hadn't fought him at night after waking from a nightmare, Rei let him assist him in getting dressed; it was only when he cosseted him that Rei showed his claws. Maybe he was pushing Rei too far...

Lee shook his head. Rei needed to be cared for. He most certainly needed help with many day to day tasks involving his feet, but... He sighed and slumped onto the couch, the old springs groaning in protest. He'd gone too far at dinner. His temper had gotten the best of him, and he'd cut Rei's fish, treating him like a child, to set Rei off. That had been immature on his part and had made his grandmother very cross with him. She hadn't opened her mouth once, but with one disdainful, upset glance, had given him an hour's worth of lecturing. Shamed and humiliated, he'd left the dinner table right after Rei.

Shame, humiliation. Two things Lee hated most in the world. He was an excessively proud and temperamental creature. As the oldest living male member of the family, it was up to him to see to the protection and well being of his relatives. His only family; Nai-Nai and Rei. And he hadn't been there for Rei when he needed him most; he hadn't been able to protect Rei from his father.

A soft, hesitant knock on the door broke through his thoughts. He ran a hand over his face, composing himself. "Come in." He was sure it was Nai-Nai, or the house maid, but the polished oak door creaked open, the tips of metal crutches appeared, followed by Rei as he pulled his body forward, the crutches bearing his weight and holding him up. "Hey, Lee." Rei smiled weakly, now that the moment of confrontation was here, feeling awkward. He looked down, his voice soft. "Can we...we need to talk."

Lee froze, unsure of what would make Rei so quiet around him. "Sit." He moved from the middle cushion to one by an armrest, quietly watching as his cousin slowly ambled over. His small body was engulfed by the tiger hoodi, and his baggy pants hid his feet, but Lee knew that to 'walk', Rei needed his foot and ankle braces on. His crutches clicked as his weight shifted, then he was sitting on the middle cushion, crutches on one side, his cousin on the other.

Both were still a bit mad at each other, and didn't know where things currently stood between them. Rei looked at his feet, hidden beneath his long jeans, letting his tangled raven hair fall forward like a knotted curtain of the night to separate them and Lee was busy meticulously lining the books on the stand.

It was Rei who spoke first, using his fingers to comb his hair. "We-Lee..you..." He paused and took a steadying breath. "You help me a lot; you mean well, but there are things I can still do for myself. And things I have to learn to do for myself."

Lee smoothed the well worn leather cover of the top book, his upper body partially turned from Rei. "I know. You're not ready for some things; you need help."

"I know." Rei gave a soft, sad smile and continued to work on his hair.

And it was as simple as that. It should have been a longer, deeper conversation packed with meaning, especially considering how anxious they'd been beforehand, and how much thought and emotion each had put into it. But it wasn't; it happened with that short exchange. They had fixed the rift, had started change. Funny how so hard and complicated a process can begin so easily, just with a few words and agonizing inner decisions.

6 6 6 6

The marble of the Jacuzzi was back to its normal sheen and without even a speck of blood. The blood smeared side was clean as well and the length of carpet at its base had a soapy wet spot from being scrubbed hard. Half the toilet paper rolls were gone, as were a few rolls of paper towels, and the poor toilet had been flushed so many times the sewage bill would probably make it into the Guinness Book of World Records.

The cause of all this lay upon his bed, in the same hoodi and gray, wide leg sweat pants. He felt drained, unable to move. And cold. He was thoroughly miserable after cleaning up. His pale face was sweaty, and he had a slight fever from blood loss then the strenuous activity of cleaning up his own blood. He had wrapped his forearm in heavy layers of gauze. It was stiff, heavy, and burned with pain. That arm lay bent on his chest. His eyes were closed, and he was falling asleep, his mind too tired, too worn from the internal battle, to think, to feel. He was blissfully numb; the feeling spread throughout his body until he slipped fully into its hold and was asleep.

tbc...

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review? please? chibi eyes


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